Well we have been busy, busy. Spent time with Joels family his sister Celina and family was in town for a few days. Then it was off to my Family Reunion and had a great time. Joel was only able to come for a few hours. Since coming home from that I have been a busy finishing all different kinds of sewing projects and other craft projects. I finished my Red , White and Blue quilt that I had started last year. It was a quilt block exchange. I think that it turned out great and I got it done just in time for the fourth. Not that we needed blankets around here on the 4th it was high 90's. We felt like we where melting for a few days. Joel had some friends from work over for a BBQ on July 3rd it was fun and way to much food. We went of to my brother Nathans for the 4th had some more good food and fireworks.
I have been packing a few boxes every day. I'm all ready sick of it. We will be out of this place the end of the month. We leave to go to Brazil on August 2nd and return August 16th. Then we will be here for about a week and then we head out on our long Adventure across the United States to Eastern Tennessee. So I will need to change are Blog name since we will no longer be in the Palm Springs of Washington.
It is crazy how fast time goes by. I have been waiting for so long to have a new adventure and now that it is getting super close I'm starting to have some anxiety. The unknown is always a little unsettling for me. We have selected a mover we just don't have a exact date. Joel still hasn't gotten a for sure Job. We think that no one is offering him a Job because they don't want to pay for moving expenses. They all are saying just give us a call when you get here and will get you a job. So that is making me a little nervous. Thank goodness my sister is letting us live with her for however long we need to. That part will be fun.
As for the baby situation is has been 3 very hard months. I feel like we are so close. Yet at the same time it is becoming harder and harder each month when nothing happens. I feel like I have no more patience left. Lets be honest I have had some poor me crying fest lately. Poor Joel gets to put up with me every month when the disappointment of another cycle of clomid doesn't work. I have been on clomid for five rounds. Not the funnest thing at least I don't get migraines anymore from it. But I do have hot flashes and have seemed to gain weight in all areas. Lets just say stretch close are my favorite. It's so hard to not know why things are not working out for us. I'm starting to think we need to research some other options. When I went in a little over a week ago and had another ultra sound it was positive. Dr. Raj said the my uterus lining was thick which is good and that the clomid seems to be doing its job. I was ovulating at the time (which I know like clock work what my body is doing by know that is one reason its so frustrating.) I had 3 follicles on my right ovary and two on my left. She said that is from the clomid working it increases your egg count. So of course Joel and I had been practicing because we know the routine. So you can imagine my disappointment when my period started again. I don't get it what are we doing wrong. I'm so frustrated what is it I'm missing. I know that this is my trial in life but I don't know how much longer I can handle this trial. We started our Adoption papers the first part of the year. Unfortunately for us the case worker we have wasn't to prompt on getting back to us. I had done all I could with the first phases of the process and was waiting forever for him to give us a call. I finally called and left message after message. After weeks of waiting for him to return the phone calls we connected and set up are first appointment to meet. It went okay, once it came up in the interview that we would be moving at the end of the summer he pretty much said we will have to wait to get out there and work with the case worker out that way. Since every state has different laws and blah blah blah. I was a little irked. Meanwhile I have started everything that I can start on. Again it is hard to be positive and upbeat about this whole process. I pray that we get a great case worker out in Tennessee. Since we can't get a in-home visit done here and we have to have background checks done when we get out there then we can get are profile up and birth moms can start viewing it. It seems like a never ending battle for me. I'm sorry to sound so negative but it truly has been a long road of trying to start a family. You can only hear so many times from people how wonderful it will be when we do finally get children of our own and how we are going to be such great parents because we have had so many experiences with watching other peoples children and nieces and nephews. It just doesn't get any easier to hear it each time. I just want it to be my turn to have the baby and all that comes with it.
On a happier note. I went to Moses Lake the other day to go to the water park. But before we went I went and visited my my mother in the Nursing Home. She was actually having a good day. Usually when I go see her it is extremely hard for me for several reasons. Mostly selfish ones. But she usually doesn't say one word the whole time I'm there. Some times its because she doesn't know who Am or because she just doesn't really talk any more. She is usually non responsive to everything you say. Her eyes are closed the whole time you visit with her. But she isn't sleeping. It is just hard, because she is extremely different then the mom I remember. Its hard to see her in the situation she has been given. So I told Joel awhile back that he has to come with me when I go visit mom because it is so hard on me. I always starting crying while I'm there. I cry when I leave and usually cry off and on on the long drive home. Anyway this visit was good. She had her eyes open the whole time. When we showed up and I said hi mom she smiled. Of course the tears began. She even tried to talk to me almost the whole time. I couldn't make out what she said because she talks so soft. Joel even got her to laugh a few times. When we said good bye she smiled and even waved. The tears started and it was like the damn broke. It was the best visit we have had in a long time. I probably will only see her one more time before we move.
SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO UNDERSTAND ALL THE RULES TO THIS GAME WHICH WE ARE ALL PLAYING CALLED "LIFE".
Dreams Do Come True......
4 weeks ago
9 comments:
We wish you guys happy journeys on your upcoming trips to Brazil and Tennessee. Wish I had the right words to comfort your heart, Marta. We love you guys.
I'm glad you got to see your mom. I know it's hard on you. I would of liked to of seen you before you moved. I leave in a week to go to AZ for 4 weeks. Just be sure you try to call me when you can. I miss talking with you!
Marta you are in my thoughts and prayers. I don't understand life sometimes either...but those are the times that we just have to trust in God and know that He knows what is best. It is hard and not fun. Maybe you just need to be with Kristen so she can take care of you like mom would if things were different. I love you!
Oh Marta--you're my hero. I don't think you're negative at all. (Only about Elder you know who.) :) I think you are being so faithful and strong and undoubtedly will be blessed for your patience in your afflictions. You are such a virtuous woman! Things WILL work out for your guys...I have no doubts about that. Have fun in Brazil and we'll see you when you get back.
My sweet crazy Marta. When I went through my struggle with infertility I felt many of the same things you are having to deal with at this time. The things that I could not comprehend was the fact that in my life I have done everything according to His great plan but yet to some degree I felt like I was being punished. I had a lot of anger, pain, and mostly I went through many "wo is me" feelings. One day as Brooks and I was driving home and I was down on myself. Brooks said something to me that helped me. He said "the Lord tries his children and He makes it where it will count". This is where it is going to count for you. Show Him what your going to do with it. A stand of faith and courage. Just a thought that amounted so much to me when I was having a hard time being patient. That trial was a good one because it taught me so much about myself and has helped me cope with the struggles and worries of today. You two are in my prayers. I also, have to admit that I am so excited about you guys coming this way. Please keep me posted because I would LOVE to see you. Take care and have some safe travels.
Marta-you make me laugh and cry all at once! I love you guys so much and I really don't even know you, however I do know that you are two of the most amazing people we have ever met...you inspire me to be a better woman, you have so much going for you and I know that having a baby is so important and I know how badly you must want it, with that said-you have so many attributes that so many people want so badly, you are a true woman of Christ and Heavenly Father has sent you here to inspire all those you meet, I don't know how I know that but I really know it in my heart. Your spirit is one of a kind, and this is only a small trial compared to the eternity that is yet to come. I know you probaly don't really want to hear that, but really Marta your time here is just a speck and look how many lives you have changed and touched already-You are TRULY an inpsiration and I feel SO blessed to have met you and had a short moment in this life with you. In that short moment you have filled a space in my heart that once was empty and given me so much hope and desire to be better. I will never know what you have been through or what you will go through but Heavenly Father does and I know that his Spirit is with you because I can feel it when I am around you. I love you and will always cherish the time we spent together!
Well since you know I'm reading your blog now I can comment. :) First off I don't really know what you are going through. We had no problem getting pregnant just keeping our babies in me. With our first I was on bedrest for 5 months, on medication and had multiple hospital stays. With our second we lost a twin and our Jayda was born a little early and sick. I told Sean we have 2 beautiful girls but I am never getting pregnant again, I just can't handle the worry and heartache. Sean went in and had surgery but not without protest. :) We always wanted more so we tried to do the foster route. If you have read any of my June and early July posts you will see that didn't work out. Ripped our hearts out and we will never try to adopt that way again. We decided once we heal we will probably go through LDS services. I know quite a few people from highschool who are still trying. Diane just started Clomid too. Anyway, I thought I would tell you a little of our struggle. I know it's not the same but all I can tell you is a child is waiting to be your baby. I know it! Heavenly Father is saving a Dulude baby just for you guys! :) Holy Cow long comment!
Gosh, seems like you didn't update your blog for so long and then wham bam I missed all the good stuff. I'm going to miss you TONS when you head out to TN! Your post reminds me of an Alison Krauss song that says something like "it is hard to see the forest in spite of the trees." If only we had God's vision in life it would help ease our trials. Love you...keep those posts coming.
Praying for you to have a baby! My mom went through that same thing. It will happen! I'm jealous you are going to Brazil - and good luck with all the packing - I hate packing! :D
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